After slavery, society rejected the ways Black people had formed relationships and built families, instead pushing a narrow, Christian, heterosexual model as the only legitimate path to respectability. But love has never belonged to whiteness—we are free to define it for ourselves.
Studies show only 50% of Black millennials are in a completely monogamous relationship. We’re conditioned to think of romantic love in one particular way – heterosexual, with one partner, followed by marriage and children. We don’t have to follow this script. Living under coloniality hinders our relationships. We should choose to love however we want.
Having multiple romantic or sexual partners isn’t new or exclusive to whiteness. There’s a long history of consensual non-monogamy in pre-colonial Africa that predates today’s ideas about monogamous love.
Some African communities still practice non-monogamy – largely “polygyny,” where men have multiple wives. This is often a signifier of wealth and is steeped in patriarchal beliefs, but many Black women and non-binary people have multiple partners, too. Communities like Black and Poly and Black Poly Nation have numerous resources to help anyone interested in learning more about non-monogamy.
Black love can look however we choose. We can question all “norms” that the myth of white supremacy gave us – and freely make decisions to live on our terms, always.