“In the aftermath of slavery, the state denounced courtship and marital arrangements that African-Americans devised during slavery and presented Christian heterosexual marriage as a gateway to responsible citizenship,” explains Dianne M. Stewart, an associate professor of religion and African American studies.
That means we’ve been taught to love a certain way by white supremacy – but we don’t have to obey.
Studies show only 50% of Black millennials are in a completely monogamous relationship. We’re conditioned to think of romantic love in one particular way – heterosexual, with one partner, followed by marriage and children – but we don’t have to follow this script.
Living under white supremacy hinders our relationships. We should choose to love however we want!
Having multiple romantic or sexual partners isn’t just a “white people thing.” There’s a long history of consensual non-monogamy in pre-colonial Africa that predates today’s ideas about monogamous love.
Some African communities still practice non-monogamy – largely “polygyny,” where men have multiple wives. This is often a signifier of wealth and is steeped in patriarchal beliefs, but many Black women and non-binary people have multiple partners too.
Communities like Black and Poly and Black Poly Nation have numerous resources to help anyone interested in learning about non-monogamy.
Black love can look however we choose! We should question all “norms” that white supremacy gave us – and freely make decisions to live on our terms, always.